Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
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