There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
