if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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