I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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