I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
