I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
