toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Damn victory sex feels great
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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