Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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