Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
