dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
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Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
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I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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