i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
please don't ironically join a cult
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