Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
