dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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