Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
