So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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