Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
