I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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