Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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