Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
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