This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
