Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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