It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
