i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
