im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
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I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize