i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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