Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
