My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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