I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
