I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
