I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
