Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
