we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
