I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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