It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
