so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
