i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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