how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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