8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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