haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
