she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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