That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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