We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
