Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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