There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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