I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
