I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
