This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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