his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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