I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize