booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just high enough for therapy.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
