booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
