i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
