The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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