We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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