i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
