i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
