I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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