If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize