1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
