Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
