end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
