people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
