two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
