I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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