my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
