I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
