Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
