we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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