But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
