Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
