i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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