She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
