And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
