He disabled his match.com account in front of me
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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