That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
