woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
