guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
