I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We were destined to go to rehab together
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
