i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
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Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
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I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker