i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question