my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.