and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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