and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
