ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
