We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
