I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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