im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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