I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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