I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
