You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
