My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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